You were right. It hurts to walk today.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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