I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
