I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
