woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
