finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You need a sexual gate keeper
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
