My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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