wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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