I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
