i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
