So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
