well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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