I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
