I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
