does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
