Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
