Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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