u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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