(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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