Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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