I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
