apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
