Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
