So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
