Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
