i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
