Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
