i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
