Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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