You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize