I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
