does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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