batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Terrible idea I love it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
