Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
