I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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