i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drake has all the answers
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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