Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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