y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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