Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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