I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
