I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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