She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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