im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
