I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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