hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
