i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
