I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
