If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
