google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
