I'm pants shitting drunk right now
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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