"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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