bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
