During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize