I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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