She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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