lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
