Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
