i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
