I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
