Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
