I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
