How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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