i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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