Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
