I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
