I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
